Rush: Listen up, Eddy! Here's how things ought to be!
You quit your job and admit you're not better than me!
I'm on the air every day from 12 to 3 and I'm shining.
While you're over on MSNBC freaking out and whining
About how the Republicans are supposedly the enemy
But how many Conservatives are actually evil? Not very many!
For God's sakes, take some pills, some herbal tea, something to calm you down!
You're never happy, and whenever I see you you've always got the biggest frown!
Ed: Are you kidding me? This has got to be some kind of joke.
You think you can beat me? Well, you're about to choke.
On your own tears that is, and trust me, there will be plenty.
In my opinon, you and Dick Cheney are both enemies of the country!
You've got the basic intelligence of a freakin' emu!
I'll rip out your heart, kick it around and stuff it back in you!
It wasn't very nice of you to call Sandra Fluke a prostitute.
I'll pound you so hard, you'll be like my own, personal bu!
Rush: Whoa! I just remembered I was talking to a hypocrite!
Yeah, I said it! I just put the boots on you and they fit!
You're calling me out for what I said about Sandra Fluke, but
You're the one who called Laura Ingraham a talk sl**!
Your words are dirtier than a coal miner and you're just going to keep on mining!
While I stay number 1 on the radio due to excellence in broadcasting!
It seems to me like you can't resist giving a holler
Even if it's at one of your freaking radio show callers!
You couldn't pay me one million dollars to sit down and watch The Ed Show!
I'd be brain dead in an hour and my brain would be as soft as dough!
Ed: Shove it up yours, Rush! Your voice sounds like chalk!
On a black board, that is. All I hear from you is psycho talk!
You think you're so clever with your enviromentalist wacko picks?
That's one segment on your show that you most definately need to fix.
And you're more than a little paranoid, I mean, seriously!
You think everything is one big conspiracy!
So what if I got suspended? I couldn't care less!
So long as I get to clean up the Republicans' mess!
I'll bash them all day long until I'm blue in the face!
But when it comes to Liberals, that'll never be the case!
- Who won? Tell me in a comment and the winner will be announced in the next battle.
- Winner of the previous battle: JOHN BOEHNER!
- Next battle: Dennis Miller VS. Jon Stewart